Conflicts, by their very nature, breed an endless cycle of blame. When we were children, whenever a fight erupted between my sister and me, we quickly shifted the blame onto each other; "She started it. He did that first." It was almost a reflex. Listening to leaders, commentators, and those directly involved, even in major conflicts, is like listening to kids caught fighting each other. They instinctively point fingers, declaring with unwavering certainty, "They started it!"
Yet, this obsession with pinpointing the initial transgression rarely offers a path towards resolution. In truth, focusing on the genesis of a conflict serves mainly to keep it alive.
If we are authentic in our desire to empower change, the real question shouldn't be about who threw the first stone. Instead, it should be, "Who is willing to lay down their stones altogether?" and "How can we move forward?"
Dwelling on who started it fuels resentment and perpetuates the narrative of victimhood, making both sides resistant to compromise. It distracts from the critical work of identifying areas for change, seeking solutions, healing wounds and rebuilding damaged relationships.
Conflict resolution hinges on shifting the conversation away from the past and toward the future. Instead of dissecting history, energy should be devoted to asking, "What are you willing to do to solve this?" and "How much are you willing to change to move forward?"
Would that be enough?
I don't know.
But at least these questions foster accountability, initiate productive dialogue, and may open possibilities for restoration.
If you step away from the finger-pointing trap, you may never know who started it. But you can be the one who ends it.