One Apple A Day #143
“La noche oscura del alma”.
The dark night of the soul is a very poetic way to describe that moment in your life when you realise that you can’t find any meaning that same life.
Have you ever been there? It’s not depression. It’s more the sudden realisation that everything that was giving meaning to your life is a lie. It can happen when something disruptive impacts your life, turning it upside-down and leaving you with tough questions but no answers. It is particularly hard if you were used to having answers without asking yourself those tough questions.
I’ve been there once. My life was almost perfect. Yes, there were some cracks here and there, but they were easy to dismiss. Because I had the answers, I knew why I was alive. I knew what I have to do, what was my place in the world. My house, my work, my marriage, my car, my motorbike. I had the full package with all the benefits. You didn’t need to ask for a meaning when you have a happy life.
Now, ten years after my dark night of the soul, I know that I was just blind. It didn’t fall apart out of the blue as I thought when it happened. There were significant cracks everywhere, but I was just refusing to see them. I kept painting the walls with lovely colours without realising that the core was rotting.
When everything crumbled, it caught me by surprise. It started with the marriage, but that was just the outside. And once the outside collapsed all the fragility within became exposed. And I found my soul wandering in the dark night.
That was one of the best things that happened in my life so far.
My soul went into the darkest place, but it doesn’t die. I failed, I lost everything, but I was still alive and kicking. That realisation was my turning point. If I have been able to fall into the dark night of the soul without dying, then I can do anything.