Home and journey together constitute the creative polarity of the heart, the two dimensions we must cultivate if we want to "develop the heart."
David Steindl-Rast
I found this quote two days ago while I was doing some research for an article I was writing. These words came back with all their power this morning in my little meditation practice.
Home and journey.
Maybe because I'm reading and learning so much about polarities, I can now feel an opportunity in this tension.
I love being away and not just travelling but being in a place where I am a stranger. I also love being home, close to my family and those I love.
When I'm away, I feel guilty for being far from the people I care about the most. When I'm home, I feel trapped, and my heart yearns to go away.
This tension has been consuming me for a decade.
It felt like a curse.
Like in that movie from the 80s, Ladyhawke, in which the two protagonists can never be simultaneously in their human form. During the day, he is a knight, and she's a hawk. The night she's a lady, and he becomes a wolf. Only in the liminal spaces between day and night, dawn and dusk, they can see each other. But just for a fleeting moment.
Anyway, I'm digressing now. It happens when I write without a plan.
Returning to my tension between staying home and being on a journey, I now see that it is not a problem to solve but a polarity to navigate.
I just have to learn to flow between the two polarities, harnessing the energy of this tension to expand my heart.