I've been in many group situations in which we all agreed to avoid judgement. It's understandable. Knowing that we won't be judged allowed us in the group to be more open and vulnerable.
However, I always felt a fraud because, despite my commitment to avoid judgements, I couldn't help but be judgmental inside my head.
For a long time, I thought there was something wrong with me.
Then, during a class with Marcia Reynolds, she said that judgement is an emotion. You can't avoid it.
I can't tell how liberating that was.
There is nothing wrong with me; I am just human.
And it makes perfect sense. As Lisa Feldman Barrett discovered in her research on how emotions are made, our brain is a phenomenal and relentless predicting machine with the primary goal to keep us alive.
Being able to judge if someone or something is a friend or a foe is vital to keep us safe.
You are a judgy, biased person by human nature. — Marcia Reynolds
Accepting that I am judgemental changed everything for me. Instead of resisting in vain, making things worst by adding shame and guilt to the mix, I've learned to acknowledge when judgement arises. And most of the time, just by doing this, I'm able to release it.
Read this great post by Marcia Reynolds on how to release judgement.