"You cannot shame or belittle people into changing. This means we can't use self-hate to lose weight, we can't shame ourselves into becoming better parents and we can't belittle ourselves or our families into becoming who we need them to be. Putting people on the "loser board" doesn't work. Shame corrodes the very part of us that believes we are capable of change." — Brené Brown
A post on Instagram by a friend sent me on a journey of exploration that landed on the quote above by Brené Brown.
I lost count of the times I tried to shame myself into changing. And even more often, I tried the way of guilt.
Obviously, both ways led to nothing but more shame and guilt.
That's because both shame and guilt focus on what is missing or wrong. As Brown writes, they corrode "the very part of us that believes we are capable of change."
By doing so, they blind us from what is possible.
So, what's the other way?
It's all in one word.
Love.
As stated in the post that started this morning's exploration.
"You cannot shame yourself into change. You can only love yourself into evolution."
I can't find the original author of these words, but they deeply resonate with me.