This morning, I woke up with fragments of last night's conversation with my partner. I thought they were a good starting point for an apple, so I started putting those pieces together, preparing to write a nice post.
Midway, however, I realized something was missing, and most of all, the idea sounded very judgmental.
And who wants to be judgemental?
In most of the workshops or retreats I've attended, one of the shared agreements is for everyone to suspend judgment for the duration of the experience, something I have always struggled with.
I don't know you, but I dislike feeling judgmental, so I did my best not to be for a long time.
Unsuccessfully.
Not only could I not help being judgmental, but the effort of suppressing my judgments was getting in the way of being present to whatever I was trying to do and, most of all, to others.
Then, during a coaching program, I learned that human beings are naturally judgmental. As Marcia Reynold writes in her last book, "Every action you take from the moment you wake is based on what your brain judges as best for you. [...] Your brain then makes unconscious micro-decisions so you can move through your days without consciously deciding every move you make. Judging is easy; it doesn't require much thinking. [...] If you didn't have judgment, it would be difficult to get out of bed every morning."
One of the best ways of being a better coach and human is to declare, "I am a judgy, biased person." —Marcia Reynolds, from Breakthrough Coaching: Creating Lightbulb Moments in Your Coaching Conversations.
So, here I am.
I am a judgy, biased person.
Anytime I acknowledge and accept that I am judgy and biased, I feel my judgments release their stranglehold on me.