#1392 - Agency
One's agency is one's independent capability or ability to act on one's will. This ability is affected by the cognitive belief structure which one has formed through one's experiences and the perceptions held by society and the individual, of the structures and circumstances of the environment one is in, and the position one is born into. — from Wikipedia
As a non-English speaker, I've always been fascinated by the word and the concept of "agency". Probably because freedom is one of my core values, and it's very much connected with my sense of agency.
So, I often wonder about my own agency. How much agency do I have to change anything in my life? Can I expand it? Or is it defined by external structures?
There are people way better than me who have explored and still explore this stuff. So, I don't want to talk about the concept abstractly.
I'm using these few minutes of writing to take a look at myself, my life and my ability to act on my will.
Do I feel I have the agency to act on my will?
Not always, honestly.
Yet, what bothers me the most are not the limitations or boundaries of my environment or the ecosystem in which I live and work. What bothers me is my habit of self-sabotaging my agency.
Like my inner voices saying that I can't do something or that I need this or that before I can act. Or when I mindlessly give in to unhealthy habits until I realise I'm not choosing anymore. I'm just going on automatic pilot.
That's why I do my best to have discipline and practice self-restraint.
Not to torture myself but reclaim my agency and, with it, my freedom.