#1388 - roller coaster
I had it.
For an instant, I had
It was a good idea, something worth writing about.
And then the computer crashed, I got annoyed and distracted, and when I finally managed to get back to my writing software, the idea was gone, back to some remote corner of my inner library.
I feel like I’m writing too often about my struggle to find ideas.
It’s not the first time I experience a dry patch. A period in which it feels like I’m circling around the same stuff, unable to find a new and different way forward.
It happens. I’m learning through this writing practice that I’m not linear. Surely, not in my creative process. I have burst of creativity in which I have too much going on in my head and periods in which nothing happens. My way of operating is like being on a roller coaster. Massive accelerations are followed by great quiet in which nothing seems to move forward.
Yet, I grew up learning to think and operate linearly. To make steady progress every day.
This conflict between my natural nonlinearity and learned linearity is a source of inner tension. When I’m not moving, I’m upset with myself for not making progress fast enough. In my accelerations, I’m under pressure because I try to do too much, usually more than I can handle.
So far, the best way I have found to deal with my nonlinearity is by creating a rhythm. Like a baseline on top of which I can improvise freely. I do that through habits and rituals.