The desire to be liked is one of my weak spots.
It has been since I can remember, but I wasn't aware of it for most of my life. Growing up, I wasn't one of the cool kids. Puny, clumsy, with thick glasses and bad at any sport. Not an easy sell when you're a teenager.
Yet, I desperately wanted to be liked. I craved attention and recognition. So, I did play on my strengths. Unfortunately, as it happened, I often overdid.
I was smart but played the "know-it-all" card too often, which could quickly become annoying. I could be funny and witty but often inappropriate. The worst trait of them all was the "good guy" card. I was great at being the good guy until it felt fake, even to myself.
Another downside of the "desire to be liked" is that I was easily manipulated. I fell for anyone who showed some interest in me.
Now, I'm well aware of this weakness. It is still there, but I can now see when it is triggered. Most of the time, I can catch myself and avoid overdoing or being played. Sometimes, I realize that my words and actions have been driven by my desire to be liked only after. But I've also learned to accept that.
Why am I sharing this?
I've learned that when we bring our blind spots into the light, we take away some of their power over us, but I also share it because I believe we can't build authentic human connections if we show only our best side.
As I wrote in this apple last summer, "This 'selling' culture has permeated all aspects of our lives. Sometimes, I feel we are all living within giant shopping windows. Trying to show the best that we have so someone can buy it."
Human relationships are not mere transactions.
They are possibilities for co-creation.